Healthy Relationships

Why does depression make it so difficult to reach out to the people we know care about us? Is there a trigger in our brain that is set off once we arrive at a particular point in the realm of sadness where we feel we do not deserve help or the comfort of a friend?

Reach out to those you know. Tell them how you feel.
I hope you have been able to cultivate relationships with caring people who do not judge you.

I suspect that people who suffer from depression grew into life with a shortage of healthy relationships. You need to be able to spot them when they are in front of you. You also need to be able to recognize when they are unhealthy. And, you need to gather the will to sever ties with people who are downright terrible for your self-esteem. I really do not need anyone in my life who makes me feel bad about myself. I do that just fine on my own, thanks.

I also suspect that the cognitive errors common among people with depression can make it hard to know when a relationship is healthy. We tend to believe we can read minds, know the future, and think of things in terms of all or nothing. Do what you can to identify this type of thinking when it occurs. To begin to explore cognitive therapy, I would like to suggest reading the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns, MD.

Here are a few tips on a health relationship as summarized from Go Ask Alice

• respectful
  
• secure & comfortable
• not violent (I know...it seems like a no brainer)
• can resolve conflicts
• enjoy time together (really....you need to think about it.)
• sexual by mutual choice!
• honest
• communicate clearly and openly
• more good times than bad

If some one is manipulating you, making you feel bad about yourself, criticizing how you dress or talk or look, or is overly jealous or possessive...if you are afraid of the person's temper or if he/she is violent....then you should probably END that relationship or at the least begin to discuss ways to make the relationship a healthy one.



Keep in mind that you as well as your friend or partner may have learned some unhealthy behaviors and attitudes that you may BOTH need to unlearn. If your partner or friend shows signs of wanting to make changes, then you should cautiously proceed and set benchmarks of progress.

Keep telling yourself: You enjoy vitamins and exercise

Sometimes, we really need to be vigilant about how we think about our healthful behaviors.
I know my body responds well to routine, but my mind does not.
After about a month, I reject waking up, doing the same exercises, eating the same healthy breakfast, and swallowing the same pills I have designated as healthful.

Vitamins, healthy food, and exercise--I am not sure if they are themselves simple pleasures; but, they probably enable enjoyment!

However, I do believe that since I started this regimen I have more energy, more bounce, and a more positive attitude. I have less chocolate cravings, which I know will lead to even more happiness in a few months when I notice I lost a few pounds just from cutting out the nightly chocolate snack.

Pleasure comes from doing what we want, maybe even more so than pleasure from doing what we know is good for ourselves. We must cultivate a joy for doing healthful acts that we logically recognize as contributing to good health and therefore also happiness. We must convince ourselves that the actions we take to become healthy are good and pleasurable.

When you take your vitamins remind yourself how good it is that you take vitamins. Remind yourself how much they help you to be healthy and feel good. Congratulate yourself on being so responsible and caring about your own well being. If necessary, write your self a note or get a plaque to put somewhere you will see it after taking your vitamins.

After you exercise, or when you eat fruit instead of candy--even when you take your vitamin--tell yourself that what you are doing is a pleasure and that you are good for being so dedicated to health.

I went for a walk today. I really enjoy the path. It is one of those rails to trails paths along a smooth, easy river. Trees arch overhead and leaves cover the entire walk.
I kept looking at my watch. I was not even in a hurry, I just felt like being somewhere else. I felt like my time was locked in to walking, that I HAD to walk--that thinking really sucked the joy right out of that beautiful forest.

Luckily, I have progressed to a place where I can recognize the negative thoughts and wrestle them into silence. I resolved to stop looking at the time and just look straight ahead at where the trees tips touched the sky. I started kicking up the leaves a bit and felt a sly smile come over my face. Thinking of my 2-year old niece, I remembered the simple pleasure of a walk in the woods during Fall.

Congratulate yourself on the basic parts of your routine that help you be healthy. Let go of the feeling of burden and routine...its okay that you might feel burdened or stuck in a routine, just don't let those thoughts expand or explode, replace them with good thoughts and give yourself a treat.