Healthy Relationships

Why does depression make it so difficult to reach out to the people we know care about us? Is there a trigger in our brain that is set off once we arrive at a particular point in the realm of sadness where we feel we do not deserve help or the comfort of a friend?

Reach out to those you know. Tell them how you feel.
I hope you have been able to cultivate relationships with caring people who do not judge you.

I suspect that people who suffer from depression grew into life with a shortage of healthy relationships. You need to be able to spot them when they are in front of you. You also need to be able to recognize when they are unhealthy. And, you need to gather the will to sever ties with people who are downright terrible for your self-esteem. I really do not need anyone in my life who makes me feel bad about myself. I do that just fine on my own, thanks.

I also suspect that the cognitive errors common among people with depression can make it hard to know when a relationship is healthy. We tend to believe we can read minds, know the future, and think of things in terms of all or nothing. Do what you can to identify this type of thinking when it occurs. To begin to explore cognitive therapy, I would like to suggest reading the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns, MD.

Here are a few tips on a health relationship as summarized from Go Ask Alice

• respectful
  
• secure & comfortable
• not violent (I know...it seems like a no brainer)
• can resolve conflicts
• enjoy time together (really....you need to think about it.)
• sexual by mutual choice!
• honest
• communicate clearly and openly
• more good times than bad

If some one is manipulating you, making you feel bad about yourself, criticizing how you dress or talk or look, or is overly jealous or possessive...if you are afraid of the person's temper or if he/she is violent....then you should probably END that relationship or at the least begin to discuss ways to make the relationship a healthy one.



Keep in mind that you as well as your friend or partner may have learned some unhealthy behaviors and attitudes that you may BOTH need to unlearn. If your partner or friend shows signs of wanting to make changes, then you should cautiously proceed and set benchmarks of progress.