Spring's Transformation

Birds are singing outside my window. Its not the soulful screech of the blue jays who nested in my pine trees all winter. Today I hear the sweet tweets of robins and possibly a cardinal, who the robins probably outed as easily as they did the blue jays.

My surroundings have been transformed with song, sunlight, and living green. I see the flocks of birds and I know that change is here. After weeks, months, of feeling trapped by freezing weather and ankle deep snow, I know that there is something new and wonderful happening.

It happens every year, and yet, while in winter's icy grip I have trouble believing it. I have trouble believing that it will arrive before I am lost to the bitter cold.

Last week, just two days after our first rain, there were large patches of open grass. In my little garden I saw crocus blossoms hanging their gentle glory, slowly gaining the strength to rise up and glisten in the glowing warmth of the spring sun.

Change is our only constant, and things will change for the better, at least briefly, before they cycle back into the cold. The cold that was a necessary--although painful--part of the process of growing, changing, becoming.

Where ever you are, I hope you can glory in spring's tranformation.

Choose Love

Love is a choice.



I have been meaning to share this tid bit of insight since Valentine's Day...although my timing is off I am hopeful that the message will still be found as helpful.

You CHOOSE to LOVE.

I say this to all the people who wanted a fairy tale romance and are now desperately disappointed that they do not have it. I say this to all the people who are wondering when they will find the right person. When you choose to be ready for love, it will be easier to find. When you choose to be happy with the one you are with, it will be easier to make it happen...especially if your partner is also ready to be happy and ready to put time, effort, and communication into making the relationship work--that is the choice!

Our sense that personality can be measured through a squadron of survey questions as crafted by EHarmony.com has not helped people get comfortable with the reality that even those happy couples on the EHarmony.com commercials will have to deal with...Love is a Choice.
It is possible that those couples who use services like EHarmony.com may have an easier time convincing themselves that they made the right choice and they should continue to put capital into the investment they made: the love partnership.

Attraction blinds us and entrances our senses. We are lured in by our own desire to connect and to believe we will be cherished and cared for. These feelings bring us into interpersonal relationships were we may eventually no longer feel the spark or believe we are as well treated as we once believed. That is the moment when the choice becomes most apparent, but it was always there.

While we may have felt that we had no choice but to follow our hearts, we actually did make the choice to follow them...it is simply that the feelings were so overwhelming that the choice was easy. Once the dust settled and the sun began to shine clearly on a person full of faults and other quirks we are left with the reality of our situation, that to stay with the person means to place ourselves willingly into the semi-delusion that "everything will be okay."

I am not saying that love is a farce.

I am saying that ROMANCE is a fantasy that we can co-create together.

We CHOOSE to be PARTNERS in a Romance, in a Relationship.
We choose to share with each other are deepest hope, our most sincerest self, and our most joyous desires. We choose to share and promise to help one another maintain joy and hope and sincerity through live through LOVE.

Your partner may not be a super star all the time, but you can choose to fill your eyes with love and see that person in that light.

There are times when no amount of positive emotion will help change the bitter truth that the person you are with is indeed no good for you and is not even trying to live up to the ideals you both have hopefully taken time to communicate to one another. Sometimes love is not a good choice.

However, I believe that we must consider what we want in a relationship, what we want in another person, and what we are willing to do. We have to communicate these things and recognize that maintaining love and romance are collaborative processes.

If you are willing to love and to be loved, you will find someone who is also willing to love YOU and to be loved by YOU.

I believe we can choose to maintain and nurture love.

I think this idea may be a bit revolutionary to some, who believe that the spark should maintain them for their entire relationship until death they do part.

We can choose to believe that we have a person in our lives who will be there with us when we need them, through good times and bad. We can choose to believe we have a partner who will care for us and love us with few conditions--only the expectation that we acknowledge each other for who we are and who we want to become as we grow together. To believe that the spark will be enough is a bit unrealistic. Love and relationshops are work, and it's worth it.

Be partners. Be lovers.

Choose Love!

Blog for Choice

Women deserve to control their own bodies.

Its simple.

Until you have felt the fear of the responsibility over a young and fragile life come sweeping over you, you can not understand how many women feel and how tragic life could become for all of us, if there were not laws that allowed women to choose to end their unwanted pregnancies.

Women need to have access to a range of choices. Women and men both need to be educated to make choices that will help ensure that more pregnancies are WANTED!

Everyone deserves to feel wanted. Each new life deserves to be welcomed and cherished.

On this anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, we must be remain vigilant of our need to defend what seems like simple, everyday choices, we must continue to defend the right of all women to choose to use birth control, to access medical clinics, to access abortion or adoption services.

Reproductive rights are an essential part of improving the quality of life for everyone. It is a simple choice, one that will cultivate happiness and joy and wealth.

Women's bodies should be honored and their wishes respected. Each woman should be given the right to make the best choice for herself and her family. Each child should be wanted and adored.

I am pro-life.
Its simple.

Facing Trouble and Feeling Strong

Waiting is usually the hardest part. Uncertainty and expectation mix in our stomach and eat holes in our brain. Do what you can to speed this part of the process. While waiting, try to focus on what is healthful and good: tea, chocolate, loving friends and family, exercise.

We all have many hard decisions to make. Some are even harder than others--like knowing that 20,000 more people will be going into Iraq makes my typical concerns seem less than important--however, no matter what our issues if we are strong and face them, we deserve to feel the joy and the empowerment that comes from knowing you got things done and weathered adversary!!

A New Year Comes: Relax, Celebrate Yourself!

As the New Year beckons, please do not lose yourself in the rush to make resolutions. I do not think I ever really understood the concept.

Yes, I want to be a better person; however, I think it would be better to put more time into contemplating just what it means, for you, to be "better" than it would be to make a to do list.

Instead of having a list that looks like this:
1. Loose weight (5-10lbs)
2. Learn a language
3. Reduce clutter
4. Make more money
5. Make time for self-pampering

Try a list that looks like this:
1. Look at myself with love
2. Forgive
3. Become comfortable with uncertainty
4. Clarify my hopes
5. Spread compassion

We are all fools and the world a stage?
We are all simple and want to be loved. We want to be appreciated and we want to be secure.
I want these things.


But, I know that much of what I need is with me. I comfort myself. I need to be a better friend to myself and not judge myself so harshly--otherwise, it seems that no matter the love and support and security I have, I will still be unhappy.

The recent Kellogg's ad is a good example of how this time a year, after indulging in holiday sweets people begin to make resolutions to make a change in their lives. While I think it is slightly humorous to see the woman in her furry red robe tending the fire and hear her little girl behind her call out "Santa!" I worry about the emphasis on body image as being so important in our self concept. I do appreciate the message that the products can help you make healthy choices to loose weight--its not the grapefruit diet!--but, I would like to see more emphasis on LIFESTYLE change! And not just change in how we look, but in how we act, how we behave, how we treat one another.

Perhaps obsession over weight is a side effect of a world that feels out of control. We want to feel like we can control things. We can make choices to control our weight, and it is something other people can see. But are you healthy! Will you be able to withstand germs, financial hardships, hunger? Will you be able to weather the changes and to feel comfortable with who you are? I have not always felt that way. I hope to.




This New Year's Eve, please take time to think about what you love about yourself and who you love. Be thankful, feel blessed, and think about ways to spread compassion and get comfortable with the uncertainty of life.

The Pleasure of Setting Simple Goals

Simple goals are the key to happiness. Even amazing accomplishments are the result of meeting many smaller goals in succession. It may seem like you are walking up a road slowly, but each step will take you closer to where you want to be.

Anything you want to accomplish can be broken down into smaller parts. Brainstorm, cluster together aspects of what you want to do. Keep track of what you do, and maybe even what you don't do--even that could help you readjust and remind yourself of what is reasonable as well as desired.

There are many tools to help us be aware of how close we are to accomplishing our goals. Diaries, calenders, spreadsheets, pedometers...

I have a simple goal of being active. I have a pedometer to help me with this goal. I can just look to see how active I am. I would like to walk 6,000 or more steps a day. A very active person walks 10,000 steps. If I am not feeling well, I adjust my expectations accordingly. But I track how many steps I walk everyday so I can assess my own trends and motivate or congratulate as I see fit.

If you want to be happy, write about your mood. If you want to eat healthy, keep track of what you eat. Being aware of our habits is a step to controlling our lives and accomplishing the simple goals that can make life better.

To help get an idea of how simple lifestyle changes can impact your well being go to RealAge.com. This is an incredible test. You can see how much eating more vegetables or driving less hours a year can impact your health. Very inspiring. This website can help you target aspects of your life you may want to change and will give you tips to make it manageable.

Envision something and make it into smaller parts. Create a standard of what you want and keep track of it somehow in your life. Each review should help you take pleasure in a simple goal. Just keeping track may be the goal! Keep it simple and you will not disappoint. Keep it simple and watch as your goals become realities! One foot in front of the other, and you will be there.

Helping Others Helps Me Be Happy

I like to help people. I feel good about myself when I know I can do something to help someone else.
Unfortunately, I do not always have the means to help others--either financially, emotionally, etc.

I am often surprised at how easy it can be to help people just by showing up. non-profits and charity organizations are developing clever ways to make it possible to show your support and to help others. Here are a few examples:

Search Engines
Some search engines work with advertising sponsors to give donations for each search.
At GoodSearch, Jikolp Search, and GoodTree websites, every search you make using their search engine will donate a penny to a particular cause of the day. You can also select another cause using another tool bar or, as with GoodTree, selecting images from the side of the page. You can also add your school or charity to their list. GoodSearch links with advertisers who help make the payments to charities possible.

Interactive Websites give Donations through NonProfits
I am really not sure if there is a word for this, but some sites have a flash image for you to click on. For each click, or a few clicks, they will make a donation.
Tamponification, a Seventh Generation initiative, will send a box of tampons to a women's shelter every time you select a state and click and drag an image of a heart into a house. I like to back click and do this over and over.

The Breast Cancer site's Pink Ribbon Challenge lets you fund mammograms for free, just by clicking on the pink button. There is a bit more involved here, after you click, they ask you to visit one of the sponsors who make the donations possible. You do not have to buy anything, just visit. Not as fun as Tamponification, but it works.

You can also help feed the hungry at the Hunger Site and support the Rainforest in a similar manner.

Recycling
Anytime you recycle you are doing something for others--for the future. You are preventing the creation of greenhouse gases, or at least minimizing the production of greenhouse gases by encouraging bottling manufacturers to use recycledmaterials instead of making new.
Be considerate in how you recycle and follow the guidelines of your local recycling collection agency.

You can also recycle your printer cartridge, cell phone, PDA and more! Check with the product manufacturer first to see if it has a program to recycle.


Shopping
If you are already planning on spending money on yourself, consider shopping somewhere that it will also help others. There are several companies and online businesses that agree to donate a percentage of each purchase to charities. Other companies support small farmers or entire towns by only buying from their workers. Be on the look out on the label to see if your coffee or chocolate support free trade.

I have seen a local restaurant make this offer on particular days, so be on the look out!
Giveline.com is one example of an online merchant who donates part of profits to charity. I have not used it personally, but I was thrilled to find it while researching online opportunities to help charity.

Here is a list from Alternet.org of chocolatiers that support free trade and do not do business with anyone who mistreats laborers.
Clif Bar
Cloud Nine
Dagoba Organic Chocolate
Denman Island Chocolate
Gardners Candies
Green and Black's
Kailua Candy Company
Koppers Chocolate
L.A. Burdick Chocolates
La Siembre
Montezuma's Chocolates
Newman's Own Organics
Omanhene Cocoa Bean Company
Rapunzel Pure Organics
The Endangered Species Chocolate Company